Who do you want in your life?

“People All Over the World,” by Debora Laura Campobasso

* Post 9 in a 30-day experiment
focused on magnetizing essence! *

Besides health, what’s the one thing that will always trump money and material goods?


We don’t get to choose them all, but we do get to choose some.  The question is how do you make those choices?  How do you decide who will fill your life? 

Just like I’ve learned how important it is to figure out the essence behind the things I desire, this book is now challenging me to figure out the essence behind the relationships I want to magnetize.  I have done this kind of thought-creation before (effectively!), in the context of a life-partner, for the experience of loving companionship.  And for friends big and pliable enough to let me be my zany self without cringing or judging too much (love y’all!).

But I’ve never done this essence-ing thing in an economically strategic context.  This is new to me and, honestly, feels a little scary.  (You have no idea how much I’ve procrastinated finishing this post, which indicates to me there are probably some extraordinary results awaiting.)  Alright, let’s dive in.  At this point in my professional life, I want to magnetize:

1.  My Literary Agent, My Publisher and Booksellers
     (Those Who Help Me Serve)

Many people have encouraged me to self-publish because they say the self-published author gets “more money and more control.”  They also say the internet’s impact on digital publishing has made direct selling of e-books not only profitable, but “easy.”

Hmmm, is that so?

Four months ago, I published my first ebook, You’ve Got Nerve!  It’s small (50 pages), and specialized (Highly Sensitive People).  I spent so much time and energy working on layout, design, pricing, delivery mechanism, marketing, search engine optimization, traffic-building, etc. it left me exhausted and overwhelmed.  And the worst part is that all that “control” took away my time to do what I love the most:  content creation.  I want to write books, and promote what I write via book tours, interviews and speaking engagements.  Period.  I want to spread myself thick by focusing on what I do best.  And, I believe, an agent and publisher can help me with that delegation.   They have in place much larger forces (editorial, marketing, distribution, etc.) than I can create on my own.  I don’t mind sharing a percentage of profit in exchange for the use of their forces on my behalf.

I also desire these people in my life — an agent, a publisher and beloved booksellers — not only for the preservation of my time and energy, but also because my message is appropriate for the mass market.  What’s inside of me is a paradigm-shifting book that transcends its specialty.  It’s a map that shows how sensitive leadership will transform the world (the shift has already begun, actually).  It is both a summons to, and a declaration for, those new-style leaders… those “meek” ones who are about to inherit the earth!  This vision/project is so much bigger than me, and I need help and support to bring it forth effectively.

Here’s the twist.  I want to use “traditional” publishing methods to create untraditional outcomes.  Of course I seek a successful launch and high-number sales.  But by using every aspect, angle and advantage of media, I also want to co-create a transformative movement that results in viral tenderness.  We’ve worked with spears, guns, bombs… threats, slander and gossip for long enough.  It’s time for the guards to change.  It’s time to make guards unnecessary.  And we can.  We.  Can.

Bottom-line:  I want to partner with an agent and publisher who can implement big ideas, who can appreciate the spirit behind a phrase like “viral tenderness,” and who can value the heart of a person who thinks, writes and speaks that way.  With their assistance, combined with the love and passion that fuels me, I can magnetize…


2.  My Readers and Audience 
     (Those I Exist to Serve)

When I asked myself who I most admire… who I am most energized and inspired by… who I most naturally love and adore… these terms came to mind:

  • Activists
  • Alchemists
  • Artists
  • Contemplatives
  • Creators
  • Dreamers
  • Earth Angels
  • Eccentrics
  • Empaths
  • Explorers
  • Geeks
  • Healers
  • Highly Sensitive People
  • Iconoclasts
  • Idealists
  • Introverts
  • Intuitives
  • Inventors
  • Lightworkers
  • Lovers
  • Mystics
  • Optimists
  • Peacemakers
  • Philanthropists
  • Pioneers
  • Sages
  • Seers
  • Shamans
  • Social Entrepreneurs
  • Thinkers
  • Trailblazers
  • Visionaries 

People who embody these traits make my life more enjoyable, so of course I desire their company, their ideas, their work, their activated presence on Earth.  But because this special group of people is not typically embraced by mainstream society (the way athletes, actors, models, etc. are), they are often discouraged, under-appreciated and self-doubting.  These are the ones I want to applaud, celebrate and activate. 

The world has been crying for this group’s collective gifts (peace, beauty, wisdom, compassion) while simultaneously refusing the very same Milk they just demanded.  It’s because we haven’t clarified our cultural conversations, so things carry-on in a state of confusion and malnourishment.

My book and message will help clarify that conversation.

(((wiping sweat from my brow)))…  Jeesh, that was a lot of work… capturing all those details.  But you know what?  The process feels much more like I am deliberately constructing something rather than passively wishing for it.  What if directing my thoughts like this just put something powerful in motion?  I believe it did.

This post focused on attracting the people relevant to my writing and speaking career, but it is an amazing thing to do for the people in your personal life, too.  So whether you are an entrepreneur (who desires customers/clients) or a splendid person (who desires friends/lovers) I hope you give some thought to the essence of those people you want to attract.  Thinking about their core, ironically, clarifies your own.

P.S.  And, thanks to the wise insight in Peter’s comment below, I’m inspired to add this postscript:  Dear Universe, please accept the specificity of these desires with the humility in which they were written.  I trust Your Ways far above my own.  Help me to hold the vision You have birthed in my heart with fervor, joy and ease.

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7 Responses to “Who do you want in your life?”

  1. Peter Says:

    Some good thoughts here!

    It’s very important for us to step back and “define,” because it allows us to take a “jumble of ideas” and find a measure of focus.

    For me, this process has always been a double-edged sword… when I define too closely and too narrowly, a new risk appears: That of a sort of “tunnel vision” that closes me off to unexpected alternatives I hadn’t considered, and which actually serve me better. Hence, my process increasingly involve a final step of “letting go of all attachments to have it be so.”

    Good stuff!

    • Erika Harris Says:

      Profound… and utterly true, Peter. Finding the Sweetest Spot is more like a moving dance than a fixed stance. Flexibly specific. Specifically flexible. Far be it from me to tell the Universe how to best use me. :-)

      BIG thanks to you, for the P.S. I’m now going to add to the post!

  2. Marki Says:

    My favorite line is “I want to spread myself thick by focusing on what I do best.” Love that way of putting it.

    I also agree that sensitive leadership can make (and has already made) an impact on others. And I’m impressed by the way you’ve clarified your wants and needs and put them out there. I’d love to hear how it goes.


  3. Joanne Light Says:

    I loved that list of people you admire. I’m in an Innu community in Northern Labrador being some of those–teaching art, drama, music; writing a play about the Innu activist and elder, Elizabeth Penashue. I self-published a book and ended up making alot of money from it because that was the last thing I had in mind when I did the project. It’s called “Meeting the North” Because a lot of libraries bought it, I get copyright royalties every year. It’s an example of doing what you love, the money will follow. I’m sure you will attract the publisher you are looking for.

  4. Erika Harris Says:

    @Marki – Thanks very much! “Putting it out there” feels so doggone vulnerable… and cleansing at the same time. I’m glad for your visit. :-)

    @Joanne – I am so inspired by what you’re up to! What a beautiful weaving together of life, art and legacy. Bravo! Thanks, also, for bringing to my attention the Innu (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Innu). XO

  5. Lisa Says:


    I just came across this website for a certified publishing coach through one of my newsletter subscriptions. I haven’t tried to publish anything, so you may want to check her out first.



  6. Erika Harris Says:

    Thanks so much for the recommendation, Lisa! I’ll be sure to check that site out.

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