Sometimes, reading other peoples’ mail is interesting.

I made a new online friend.  I’ll call him Ross (because his Mother never did).

We had an exchange I want to share here because I think the subject affects a lot of people.  What do you think?


Hi Erika,

I was thinking about what you wrote me earlier in the week on the forum. “You are majestic, Ross. Puppetry is not. Free yourself from self-imposed pressures that will always exhaust and betray you. You imposed them. You can cancel them.”

The big question is How?


Hi Ross,

Q: How?

A:  Decide you’re going to be independent of anyone’s approval.  Expect that people (family and lovers included) will usually not grasp your depth and breadth. And because of their lack of capacity, it might feel like they’re rejecting or disapproving of you.  They probably aren’t.  But even if they are, so what.  Mediocrity is incredibly comfortable to most. And those of us who are inclined toward any form of extremism (i.e. emotional, creative, expressive, etc.) are almost always told to be less.  Shrink.  Dim.

The worst interpersonal tragedy that can ever happen between two people is when one person (implicitly) says to another, “Please minimize yourself to accommodate my smallness.” Huh?  Never!

Decide to be you.  Fully you.  In all of your wonderful largesse.  Never be apologetic about your greatness.  (Not even to a therapist who may very well suffer from an impoverished self-esteem themself.) Be prepared for those with brittle hearts and anemic minds to get really irritated by your audacity to be The Real Grand Ross Who Unconditionally Accepts Himself And Expects Those In His Life To Do The Same.

Whenever you feel that “pressure” to eclipse your light, HONOR YOURSELF above the company you’re with.  Every time.  This is not selfish.  This is sanity.

How can anyone befriend another by betraying themselves?  Befriend yourself first, and you’ll become the most magnetic friend-attractor.  And these people will be drawn to the real you :-)

Two power-quotes from women I love:

* “The question isn’t who is going to let me; it’s who is going to stop me.” -Ayn Rand

* “I disregard the proportions, the measures, the tempo of the ordinary world. I refuse to live in the ordinary world as ordinary women. To enter ordinary relationships. I want ecstasy. I am a neurotic – in the sense that I live in my world. I will not adjust myself to the world. I am adjusted to myself.” –Anais Nin

Hope this helps,


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One Response to “Sometimes, reading other peoples’ mail is interesting.”

  1. missmolly72 Says:

    Oh Dear Erika, I decided to read random posts by you and this one is like a fog-horn on my cloudy day. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU.

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