I asked John Chow to consider INCLUDING A WOMAN’S PERSPECTIVE to his 4-part series, guest-written by Alex Shalman, “How to Get a Girlfriend.” The 4th installment was supposed to answer the question: “Will having more money help you get a girlfriend?” In my opinion, the article never got around to answering this question.
John offered to read my perspective/proposed article, so I sent it to him. He didn’t respond, so I’m posting it here:
“I plan to marry for love the second time.”
She actually said that! I was having dinner with a new female acquaintance. I didn’t know her very well, and this statement really turned me off. Women like her, who care about a man’s money more than his character… and men who care about a woman’s looks more than her character… both of these shallow perspectives annoy me because they reduce a person to their least consequential asset.
Q: Wanna know how to quickly distinguish an important asset from an unimportant one?
A: Imagine yourself with one final hour to live, and envision how much – or how little – you are impacted by that asset.
I’m not trying to be morbid or dramatic. I’m just sharing my value system with you. Beauty and money rock! They both make life more enjoyable. But they are not foundational. They are not strong enough to hold life’s heavier stuff. The gold-digging chick who took my appetite hasn’t figured this out… and the guys who basically pay her to be their sweet-eye-candy haven’t either. Bottom-line: You can buy “hot,” but you can’t buy “heart.”
Money is an amplifier. Whatever you are (e.g. thoughtful, obnoxious, a player, responsible, generous, etc.) money just cranks up the volume on what is already there.
If you’re following John Chow’s money-making advice, chances are you will soon meet success, if you haven’t already… and you will buy cool toys with your loads of cash… and you will want someone with whom to share your fast ride, lovely home and exotic travels. And you will enjoy those experiences so much more with the confidence that your chosen woman would still be by your side even if you lost everything. A gold-digger can never give, or sell, you that kind of peace of mind.
You can connect with a high-quality woman who also turns you on and makes you pant. But you will never get that Ocean if you stay satisfied with a Creek. Expect more, and you’ll get it.
As an internet entrepreneur, I know you are an accelerated and independent thinker; otherwise, you would be content with the tired 9-to5-til-you’re-65 model that so many worker-bee-types still go for. But not you. And since you are on the fast-track to building your wealth and freedom, why not also be on the fast-track in your quest for a girlfriend? Whether or not you have deep pockets, here’s how to get a girlfriend you would actually want to keep, and who would actually want to stay with you through thick and thin:
1. Be very clear with yourself.
A lot of dating advice tells you to make a list of the things you want in a partner, as though you were picking out features on a car. I have a different take on this. I say decide how you want to feel in your relationship, (e.g. respected, excited, nurtured, desired, motivated, relaxed, etc.). Then, pursue and spend more time with women who make you feel that way.
2. Be very clear with others.
No one likes a pretender, except other pretenders (and they are a drain to be around, and their company sucks, too). You attract what you are, so be real. Be you. Drop the mask and costume. It’s not Halloween, and you’re not Rico Suave. There is no sane reason to play emotional games with someone, and I know that an ambitious money-maker like yourself would not squander his greatest resource (time) with juvenile crap like ego-based games.
3. Protect and enjoy your relationship! Don’t take it, or her, for granted.
I say “protect” because it is so common for people to sabotage the very thing they have been wanting for years, not long after they get it. (Think Lotto winners, for example). They have become so accustomed to not having that desired thing or experience that when it finally does become a part of their reality, they freak out and mess it up – unconsciously – so that they can go back to their comfort-zone of fantasizing rather than materializing. So I say again, be conscious and protect your relationship. When they are positive and healthy, relationships are the most valuable treasure in all the world. They are one of the very few things to pass the hypothetical test of “one-hour-to-live” that I shared with you at the beginning of this article.
Getting and keeping a girlfriend requires the same kind of foresight, planning and anticipation that you use when launching an internet business. In both endeavors you consider:
* Who is your market?
* What do you offer that market?
* What do you want in exchange for what you’re offering that market?
These are reasonable questions to keep in mind while dating.
The world is incredibly wired, but internet professionals especially are more prone to end up a little short in enriching offline experiences. A caring relationship is a great antidote to that problem.
Getting a girlfriend is not a money issue. It is a meaning issue. And the great news is that you can create whatever meaning you want! I dare you to be as visionary and limitless in your relationship-thinking as you are in your business-thinking. Do not let past experiences restrain you in any way. Be the same risk-taker for love that you are for money. Do that, and you know what will happen? You will make the world, the internet and your home much better places… because the world, the internet and your home need more radical, fearless lovers.
Copyright © Erika Harris